I could not have found this video at a more amazing time. Personally I have spent so much time (more like wasted) struggling against feelings of vulnerability. My fear of being hurt or humiliated may be the thing keeping me from love. I’m thinking it is time to take down the walls and welcome love in. Maybe there will be heartbreak, most likely there will be, but I will survive – I always do.
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She was married the first time when she was 13 or 14 years old. She was born in South Georgia to Olie and Albert. And at last count she was married five times to four different men.
She passed away about six years ago now. I love her, and I miss her.
Alice was my grandmother.
She possessed a restless sprit and an infectious laugh.
Her ability to laugh and make others laugh more often than not allowed her to cover any pain she may have harbored.
I heard that the other day and it resonated with me. I never liked cleaning.
The times I did buckle down and commit I found myself unable, or perhaps unwilling, to contain the spill. I eventually walked away leaving behind aspirations I could no longer support.
I see other women and men in relationships and I know their partnerships are just as difficult as any I have been in. I’m not special. I watch these people, who appear happy, and wonder if there will ever be a mess I like enough to stick it out for.
I continue to be attracted to men who are unavailable to me. And those who chase after me, who pamper me can’t hold my attention. All part of my brain’s mechanisms for keeping me from taking the easy way, or settling out of pure loneliness.
I was born into a large Southern family, fueled with cheese grits and dramatic stories of adventure and love: A great grandfather who ran white lightning, a grandmother who put passion before all else and a cousin with a proven strong right hook.
I have been feeling my own restlessness welling up lately.
I posted on Facebook a question, “Chrissy Clary is ready for a new adventure. Any suggestions?” After a quiet summer day watching the hummingbirds fly, and wondering if I should follow their lead, I was looking to the masses for help. But it was a small voice that grounded me.
My landscape is constantly changing. I am faced with ever advancing technology. I said goodbye to another boyfriend candidate. The melting of the polar icecaps is increasingly becoming a dire situation and I gained seven pounds over the holidays.
I was complaining about the state of things to a friend recently. She simply said I was going through a “paradigm shift.”
A paradigm shift? What the heck does that mean?